Dear Highland Family,
Gosh, I miss you all so much. It makes me teary just dictating this note to you. I can picture your faces in the sanctuary, I have stacks of beautiful cards and notes sitting beside me with your expressions of love and care, your incredible meals are feeding my body and soul, and oh how I long to be back, gathered around that sacred space with each of you. Words can’t express how much your love has and is carrying Evan and me in these days. Thank you for being the family of God for us in this tough and tender place.
I wanted to give you an update on how I am doing. The honest answer is that there are good days and bad days. I have often caught myself saying to Evan that I feel like I should be following some sort of pattern, but every day just feels so different right now. Then I remembered what Brené Brown says about the “messy middle” and realized that’s exactly where I am. That healing isn’t linear - it doesn’t follow any sort of pattern. It’s messy, but you can’t skip over it. You’ve got to go through it.
That doesn’t mean that there aren’t good days - there absolutely are! Evan got me out of the house and we went to see Barbie last week! I’ve graduated from at-home PT until my cast comes off. I’m able to read again - which makes me feel so more like myself. Overall, the pain is much more manageable than it was a week ago. I’m heading in the right trajectory.
However, I’m also learning to pace myself and to expect the unexpected. That I get exhausted so easily by even the most basic things. That muscle spasms come out of nowhere. That healing feels (and sometimes hurts) differently every day. It’s hard. It’s beautiful. It’s raw. It’s painful. And it’s messy. Evidently healing doesn’t happen any other way.
As far as my time away from Highland, I’ve discerned with my doctors and family that I won’t be back at least through the end of September. We visit the surgeon again later this week, but we know that the earliest the biggest cast will come off is not until mid September. After that, I will have pretty intense rehab on my knee and likely will require another surgery to remove some of the metal wiring that is keeping everything in place right now.
It grieves me to think of being away from you that long, and I’m actively exploring ways to connect with you in this season while also continuing to rest and heal. My heart and soul want to be back with you so badly but my body needs me to pace myself. In the meantime, I am beyond grateful for the staff and their incredible leadership in this season. They have stepped in for me with such wisdom and grace! And, the Personnel Ministry Group, particularly our chair, Arlette Tinsley, have been phenomenal in offering the support I need during this time away. Highland, you are in such good hands.
I will continue to keep you updated on how I’m doing and any new information I receive from the doctor. And, you never know, I may be able to show up for some church related event or service in the coming weeks. I continue to hold onto hope that this will be a reality sooner rather than later.
In the meantime, Evan and I can’t thank you enough for your support in this season. I think we have learned more in our first 12 weeks of marriage than many couples learn in their first several years! And yet, in the midst of it all, Love continues to be our anchor and gratitude is our daily guide.